


It can get better

by Makiaru



Series: Will it get better? [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Hashirama is a Bad Brother, M/M, Senju Tobirama Needs a Hug, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:28:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29532687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Makiaru/pseuds/Makiaru
Summary: Everyone thought Tobirama didn't have a soulmate. Tobirama let them think that. It wasn't like his soulmark was on a place easy to see. When he found his soulmate he was just glad noone had ever seen it because they might pity him for his doomed relationship.
Relationships: Senju Hashirama/Uzumaki Mito, Senju Tobirama/Uchiha Madara
Series: Will it get better? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2192796
Comments: 29
Kudos: 343





	It can get better

Tobirama sometimes stared at the dragon curled around his left thigh. Not even Hashirama had seen it. Not even Hashirama would see it. When he developed his soulmate mark at the age of twelve he and his brother hadn’t been on speaking terms. Or better his brother refused to talk to him unless absolutely necessary.

Hashirama had been different since his meetings with Madara had been interrupted. He was distant with Tobirama and sometimes downright rude to their father. Tobirama had to step in more often than not so that his brother wouldn’t sustain any permanent damage.

Tobirama liked to blame Madara for the change. It had to be the Uchiha, they were a bad influence. But he wasn’t one to fool himself. His brother didn’t trust him anymore. His brother had had a taste of what kind of brother he wanted and Tobirama was found lacking in comparison. Tobirama was too cold, followed orders too readily, was willing to be a shinobi when his brother chose to be a dreamer. But above all Tobirama was practical. He learned to play with the cards he had no matter how bad a hand fate dealt him. He thought that his connection with his brother would always be his greatest strength. He knew he wasn’t perfect but he loved him more than anything and would do anything to defend him, he hoped that was enough. He learned after that meeting with Madara that it wasn’t.

It took months for Hashirama to somewhat bounce back from what he deemed a betrayal. He still barely talked to his brother but it wasn’t the cruel silence anymore. It where cruel words instead whether he meant to or not. He spoke to Tobirama as if he was the ghost, the demon that his enemies so often called him. He more than once judged Tobirama’s questionable morals. When he was angry or Tobirama did something particularly unlike his brother’s wishes he hissed that it was only normal he didn’t have a soulmate. That no one deserved a soulmate like him. He sometimes knew the things he said were cruel and other times it was an accident. He didn’t mean it. Over the years the deliberate cruelty disappeared but the remarks stayed. They were so normal now. Sometimes Hashirama apologized and sometimes didn’t. Over the years the times he apologized got lesser until Tobirama only heard it in the worst cases.

When Hashirama had first said Tobirama didn’t have a soulmate it hurt. Tobirama liked to lie to himself and say that Hashirama had only said that the way older brothers tended to say to younger siblings. The way he thought nobody would ever be good enough for his brother. Tobirama woke up from his lies soon enough.

When peace came Tobirama felt his heart break all over again. It became clear that Hashirama indeed wanted Madara as a brother.

Tobirama told himself that it was necessary for the village. That Madara was a huge influence and was important to talk to. That his brother just had a hard time juggling private life and work time. Tobirama knew he himself had a hard time with it. He spend hours upon hours trying to make his brother’s dream come true. He made plans that his brother hadn’t thought of. He put in the hours his brother didn’t have the discipline to put in. He told himself, while looking over his new pet project for a school, that Hashirama just didn’t want to disturb him while he was working. He told himself and knew it was a lie the moment he thought it. He knew his brother preferred spending time with Madara. After all he’d never really forgiven him. Had never really come to accept Tobirama as he was. As he had to be.

Madara liked Tobirama even less than Hashirama did. He couldn’t trust the one who had almost killed his brother. How could he trust the one who would’ve killed his brother if he hadn’t turned his sword at the last moment. Who left his brother with an injury to his leg that he was only now recovering from. How could he trust someone that made peace through violence. That forced a truce simply because the Uchiha had little other choice.

When Madara hissed insults at him or glared at him from across the hallway Tobirama managed to shrug it off. Madara had never liked him, he didn’t lose his love the way he had lost Hashirama’s. That he respected and to a certain extend liked the Uchiha didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Tobirama had liked more people that never liked him back.

The one exception to the rule, and someone Tobirama could cling to occasionally, was Touka. Touka who had respected Tobirama since he had argued with his father that she should be allowed on the battlefield by virtue of her being a good fighter. She had respected him since he had told her that it didn’t matter that she was female as long as she was a good fighter. She’d liked him for the fact that he sparred with her and only held back as much as was needed to not slaughter her within the first few minutes.When she got good enough that he didn’t have to hold back as much she liked him even more. She respected him for all the work he put into his and his brother’s dreams. She respected him and because she did she had a hard time respecting Hashirama.

Then Hashirama got married. He proved that he was perfectly capable of juggling work a personal life as long as Tobirama was there to pick up the slack. He made time for Mito. He loved her like soulmates were supposed to love each other. He loved her unconditionally and she loved him back.

Mito in a way, was everything Hashirama was not. She was serious, diligent, respectful and poised. She acted like the princess she was. She had at first tolerated Tobirama because he was Hashirama’s brother. She later got along with him because they had quite a bit in common. She would never pick Tobirama over Hashirama but that was expected. That was the way it should be. But it also made her someone Tobirama had a hard time truly trusting with himself. 

If Tobirama’s world had shattered when Hashirama all but abandoned him because of Madara, his world shattered again when he found his soulmate. The way Tobirama had carefully pieced himself together wasn’t near strong enough to weather the blow that his soulmate did and probably always would hate him.

Madara had been sparring with Hashirama when Tobirama needed some papers signed. While Hashirama was really supposed to be in his office and do something productive. Tobirama had never seen Madara shirtless and he really wished that had stayed that way for the rest of their lives. Madara had a dragon curled around his bicep. Madara had a dragon curled around his bicep that perfectly matched the one Tobirama had curled around his thigh.

When Tobirama interrupted the spar to get Hashirama to get back to work Madara had glared at him. Madara had told him that he shouldn’t be such a stuck up and if he wanted things done he should do them himself instead of bothering any humans with it. That Tobirama didn’t have a life didn’t give him the right to ruin the lives of others. It was just Tobirama’s ironclad self-control that stopped him from staggering back. He turned to Hashirama again and told him to shower and come back to the office. Hashirama had just frowned and said that he would step by later. Hashirama didn’t come in that day, or the next.

Touka had never seen Tobirama’s soulmark either but was quite sure he had one hidden away somewhere and when she saw Tobirama almost bury himself in paperwork she knew something had happened. Something had happened to someone he loved. Tobirama loved his brother, loved Mito, loved her and loved all the children he had taught. Children who had later abandoned him because the rumours and other people’s hatred had gotten to them. To a certain extend he loved the clan. There was however no one in the clan who was hurt. No one who could’ve hurt him. Her only conclusion was the soulmark she was sure he had. She had seen not only his research but also the romance novels he occasionally snatched from Hashirama. “What happened?”

When Touka came back from a mission two weeks later and asked him what happened he nearly broke down. He nearly crawled into her arms and cried like he had done when Hashirama had told him he hated him. But how could he explain he missed something he never had? How could he say he tried to hold on to something that had been only an abstract idea. How could he tell her he wanted to cry over something he felt he lost when he never actually had it? So he didn’t cry, he didn’t let her hold him. He just shook his head and went back to work.

Touka was nothing if not persistent. When people told her no, she never listened. When people told her she couldn’t or shouldn’t do something, she ignored their words and proved them wrong. So when her cousin had told her nothing was wrong and she didn’t believe him, she went on a search for what could’ve possibly caused it. She went around and asked about the last three weeks she had been away. She was careful and didn’t specifically ask for Tobirama. She didn’t hear anything. Nothing weird happened. There had been a delegation from the Hatake clan but from what she understood they had been nothing but respectful. The Hyuuga clan had been a nightmare half a year ago and those discussions were still going on but Tobirama hadn’t really cared about that. Hashirama had been ditching work but what else was new? It couldn’t have been so bad that Tobirama was as swamped as he was now. And from what she could see there was even work from some of the Nara and Yamanaki. The Nara were lazy but they did what they had to. The Yamanaki were at times as diligent as Tobirama himself. So why he had their work was a mystery. Her mind circled back to soulmates. Had his been in the Hatake delegation? Already engaged or scared of her cousin? Possibilities. Again she cursed Hashirama for being unable to pinpoint the exact time things went wrong. Mito. Mito might be able to shed some light on this.

Mito had been worried but there was little she could do. She had tried to get Hashirama to take his paperwork back but Hashirama said Tobirama could do it. He said that Tobirama didn’t do much else anyway. She didn’t want to say that it was because he didn’t have time to do much else. She had tried to figure out what was wrong but Hashirama had shrugged it off and said nothing was wrong. She wanted to thank the heavens when Touka came to her with questions. She said what she could but even she didn’t know what it was that set Tobirama off. She could say it was about two weeks ago when her husband had suddenly taken some days off. She was quite certain that Tobirama had dealt with the paperwork by now and that he was more than done with his own work. She said that she wasn’t sure when he took a real break last and that she had found him in his office asleep more than once in the past two weeks. She said that she’d taken to bringing him food because she wasn’t certain he would eat otherwise. She said that he avoided people more than he normally did. She said that he seemed jumpy, more like a ninja at war in enemy territory than a ninja in a relatively peaceful environment. She said that she wasn’t sure if Tobirama wasn’t trying to kill himself with the amount of work he took.

Touka had seen this before. She had seen how Tobirama reacted to stress or hurt. He worked more, practiced more. He would replace hurt with a different hurt. Hurt he could deal with. He had done the same when Itama and Kawarama died. She had tried to get him to stop working before but he never did. No matter how she tried. She however had found a way to deal with it. “We need a kid.”

Mito snorted. “We” she pointed at Touka and her “cannot get a kid. And mine and Hashirama’s kid is just a few weeks old and still needs some time before she’s born.” She smiled. “But I’m assuming you don’t mean it that way.”

“We need a kid. Six or so. Trainable age.” Touka smirked. “One willing to be trained by Tobirama.”

“You want to give him more work?”

“I want to distract. Give him work he actually likes and give him a reason to be in decent shape. He sleeps on missions. Not much but he knows he has to be battle ready.”

Mito nodded thoughtfully. “Let’s get ourselves a kid then.”

Touka had severely underestimated how difficult it would be to get a kid. She had figured that if Hashirama could make one from scratch that she could find a premade one. The finding of the kid was not the problem. The finding of a kid trainable age wasn’t even the problem. The problem came with finding one whose parents agreed to having their kid trained by the white demon.

Mito looked distracted. “Tobirama made an orphanage a few months ago. Those kids don’t have parents and I’m sure their supervisor will be easier to convince to just sign a piece of paper. The kids will be eager to be trained either way. They won’t mind the white demon. They aren’t nearly brainwashed enough.”

That, Touka had to admit, was a brilliant idea. They decided that Mito would do the talking, it would seem more official that way. They had a premade contract and all the caregiver had to do was write down the name of a kid that wished to be trained and sign at the bottom of the paper. That was how Mito and Touka came in the possession of Kagami. A boy that, Mito was sure, was only given to them because he had way too much energy to be easy to deal with. Perfect.

When Mito shoved the piece of paper in Tobirama’s hands he looked at her suspicious. “When exactly am I to do this? More importantly are the Uchiha alright with this?”

“When you’re done with your paperwork and before you take over everyone else’s. Or before your paperwork, it’ll do wonders for your mind-set.” Touka who was standing in the corner of his office smirked. “The Uchiha signed this so they agreed.”

Tobirama sighed and signed the paper as well. He gave Touka a time and a place to bring the kid to and went back to work. He was looking forward to it. He just wasn’t looking forward to the possible backlog and probable backlash this would create. The following morning he was surprised when there was indeed a child. A child that didn’t shy away from him at first glance. When he introduced himself the kid was full of questions from: are you going to train me to why is your hear white and can you teach me amazing jutsu? Tobirama easily fell into the pattern of answering questions and correcting Katas. He helped the young boy with his hand signs, his reading and writing, and tried to get him to build up some stamina. Tobirama had to admit he was calmer and happier and he did do a lot less paperwork.

Madara was furious. When he walked across the training fields he found one of his clan’s kids and the white demon. The white demon seemed to try to get his claws in the kid by talking to him. He was probably spewing anti-Uchiha propaganda and Madara wasn’t having it. “What do you think you’re doing!” It was one level beneath outright screaming because he didn’t want to scare Kagami.

Kagami didn’t seem to be aware of the danger and smiled brightly. “Tobirama-sensei is teaching me! He showed me all these cool hand signs!” Kagami excitedly began to show him.

“Kagami, if you put chakra into your signs right now you’re going to create a disaster.” Tobirama said while gently laying his hand over the kid’s hands. “You can show them just don’t put any chakra in.” He added when he saw Kagami’s disappointed face.

Madara wasn’t having it. He couldn’t and wouldn’t believe the demon could be kind. It was an act and he wouldn’t allow Kagami to be sucked in. “Step away from Kagami! What gave you the right to teach an Uchiha child?!”

Tobirama looked at him coolly. “I got a piece of paper giving me permission from his guardians. Kagami seems happy enough with the situation.”

“There is absolutely no way any Uchiha would ever sign something like that!”

Tobirama raised an eyebrow. “I assure you that I did not forge any such document.” He had forged Hashirama’s autograph on occasion just so he could get some things approved. Nothing malicious but sometimes his brother forgot deadlines. “If you have doubts about the authenticity of the form you’ll have to talk to Mito. She’s the one that presented it to me.” Tobirama didn’t show how his heart was breaking. He didn’t know his heart could break any further after the damage Hashirama and Madara had already inflicted on it.

“MITO!” Madara screamed. “WHAT DOES THAT HARPY HAVE TO DO WITH THIS! AND DON’T YOU DARE FOISTING OF RESPONSIBILITY WHEN THIS IS CLEARLY YOUR FAULT! OR ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU NEVER WANTED TO TEACH KAGAMI!”

It took everything Tobirama had to stay calm. His emotions were fluctuating and he didn’t want to deal with either of the two extremes it seemed to fluctuate between. “I very much enjoy teaching Kagami and when Mito presented me with the document I was happy to teach again. But I did not organize this and as such I do think you’ll have to take it up with the person responsible.”

Kagami looked back and forth between his teacher and his clan head. He was happy his teacher was happy to teach him. He was well aware that most people found him difficult. Sensei never said anything like that. His clan head however didn’t seem pleased with the idea.

“I’m taking Kagami with me and you’ll stay away from him!” Madara was still loud but he seemed to be reigning his temper in a bit. “And I will be taking this up with Mito.”

“NOOOOOOO!” Kagami screeched. “I want sensei to teach me! Don’t take him away!”

Madara glared at Tobirama. This was somehow his fault and now he had to find a way to fix it. “Kagami. We’ll find you a better teacher. He’ll not be your teacher. He’s a bad influence.” He grabbed Kagami’s hand and pulled him along kicking and screaming. Away from Tobirama.

Tobirama couldn’t say he hadn’t expected this. He had just hoped it would be later. He had hoped it would be very much later. He’d miss Kagami but it might be better for Kagami’s connection with his clan. Tobirama’s presence might’ve even been hurting his integration with the village. When he showed up at the training ground the next morning it was out of habit and until he was there he hadn’t even realized that there would be no one there. Or that’s what he thought.

“I snuck out. Like a real ninja.” Kagami said proudly.

“Kagami,” Tobirama smiled softly and fought to hold back the tears. He had felt terrible when Madara overturned the paperwork. “I love you dearly. But the both of us could get into big trouble for this.”

“I don’t care.” Kagami replied with a stubborn tilt of his chin. “Do you?” there was a slight quiver in his voice.

“No, no. I don’t mind at all. But this might not be the best place to train anymore. People will find us. And we need to adapt a new schedule. How about every day I give you a new time and place for the next day?” Tobirama felt a slightly vengeful vindication, take that Madara, but mostly he was just happy that Kagami didn’t leave him too. “Come, I’ll show you a new place.” Tobirama had learned from his brother’s mistakes when meeting Madara. He kept his senses open, he changed time and location, and he made sure everything that needed to be done was done. He also made use of a handy little jutsu he invented that allowed him to be in two places at once and a seal that hid chakra signatures. He was tired yes, he was also the closest thing he’s come to happy in years.

Izuna was unsure. The first months after he got taken down by the Senju he had raged and cursed his name. The moment he calmed down and had time to think about it he realized that he would’ve done the same. He probably would’ve done worse if he had gotten the chance that Tobirama got. And as such he observed. If there was one thing he learned from saving Madara that day at the river it was that he needed to observe. He saw how much time Tobirama put in a dream that everyone thought he was against. He saw how Tobirama worked himself to death to please the people around him. He saw how every action Tobirama took would’ve made him a good ninja not a monster if he was anyone else. He saw no one noticed or cared. If his face just showed the emotion he was clearly feeling. Because he saw how Tobirama felt. How he did little unnecessary things that made people’s lives easier. How he made sure that there was enough tea in the meeting rooms even if he hated the blend. He saw how he took over other people’s work so they could have a bit more free time. He saw how he cared for Kagami. He saw how his eyes followed Izuna’s brother around the room if he thought no one was looking. He saw how those looks were not hostile. He saw the slight shaking of his hands when Madara said something unnecessary cruel. He saw how Hashirama ignored, dismissed and sometimes didn’t even see the pain. He saw how Hashirama sometimes added to it. He saw how Kagami went missing and had found Tobirama while Tobirama at the same time did his work. Handy Justu, he wanted it. He saw all that and he found himself respecting and even liking his onetime rival. After months of observing he decided to confront him with one of the things he couldn’t figure out. “So… what’s between you and my brother?”

Tobirama froze the moment Izuna joined him in his office and asked the question he really didn’t want to answer. “What do you mean?” Izuna hadn’t been particularly antagonistic as of late. Izuna had at times even been kind. He seemed to have forgiven what his brother still hung on to. That didn’t mean he in any way intended to answer that question. It was after all none of Izuna’s business.

Izuna snorted. “The way you watch him. If you were anyone else I would say you had a crush.” Izuna hadn’t even thought about it. But now that he did think about it, now that he’d said it, it made a certain amount of sense. From what he heard Tobirama didn’t have a soul mark. He had even heard Hashirama say the occasionally thoughtlessly cruel things about it. “You do?” It was as much a question as an exclamation.

Tobirama looked at his paperwork and dismissed everything Izuna said. “If you’re quite done with your inane questions, I have quite a bit of paperwork to do.” He didn’t want to deal with this and paperwork was always a good excuse.

“Yes, you do.” Izuna nodded looking at the huge stack. “A lot of your brother’s paperwork. I believe you’ve been done with your own over an hour ago.” He looked at the stacks of paperwork. “I’m sure you hadn’t noticed but someone must’ve misplaced it. I’ll bring it back to its proper place. You can clean up the rest of your desk while I deal with this and then we can go to lunch.”

Tobirama was thrown of balance and he didn’t know how to find his balance back. The lack of paperwork was startling and the lunch was surprisingly pleasant when he ignored Izuna’s questions. Izuna didn’t need to know why he watched Madara. He had absolutely no right to call Hashirama a dick. And he shouldn’t know about Kagami and as such Tobirama denied that one. He happily helped when Izuna asked about Touka though. He was willing to join in on the complaining about the elders. He enjoyed listening to Izuna rave about the wonders of Akamichi food or the horrors of certain council members or shinobi from other clans. He nodded and listened more than he talked but he had a good time. When Izuna made a habit of kidnapping him once every two or three days he couldn’t say he minded. Sometimes for lunch, sometimes to spar, sometimes to just get him out of the office.

Hashirama was horrified. One day Izuna came into his office and said some of his paperwork had been misplaced. He continued dumping more paperwork than he’d ever had on his desk and walking away. Tobirama did come to help him later that afternoon but it was still a lot and Tobirama disappeared when Madara walked into the room. When Izuna started dumping paperwork on his desk more frequently he despaired. How was he supposed to deal with all of this? Tobirama came every afternoon and took some of it so that he could get home at a normal time. It had been ages since he felt guilty about all the work he foisted of on Tobirama because his brother was just better at it. It went faster when he left it to his brother. Madara agreed with him. His brother had taken the responsibility and shouldn’t just give it back. Hashirama didn’t say that it had started with him just leaving it on his brother’s desk instead of his brother taking it from him. But it was easier to agree with his old friend even though Izuna kept putting the work back on his desk.

Izuna was lounging on the couch when his brother finally got home and he asked the question he had asked Tobirama a couple of weeks ago. “Soo….. what’s between you and Tobirama?” He didn’t follow up the way he did with Tobirama because he was quite certain his brother didn’t have a crush on Tobirama.

Madara spluttered at the question. “Between me and the demon?”

“You and _Tobirama_ yes.” Izuna stressed Tobirama’s name. “You’re being rather mean to him. Even for your standards.” Izuna was well aware that anything between Tobirama and his brother wouldn’t last but the least he could do was kill some of the animosity. His brother was still waiting for his soulmate. He might fool around, he might sleep with others for missions, but he would never get in a relationship with anyone but his soulmate.

“He nearly killed you!” Madara screamed. “He is a monster and he shouldn’t be allowed near anyone because of the harm he might cause!”

Izuna hummed. “Soo… you’re upset he got lucky and then redirected his blow so that I didn’t die?” Izuna wasn’t willing to believe that Tobirama was actually better than him. It didn’t matter that Tobirama won in their spars more often than not.

“We all know he only did that because he listens to his brother.” Madara hated to be reminded of that particular fight and the only thing always reminding him was the demon. “He tried to poison Kagami against the Uchiha.”

Izuna snorted. “He taught Kagami katas and jutsu. Jutsu he would’ve never learned with an Uchiha teacher. Speaking of a teacher for Kagami, you found a new one yet?” Izuna knew it was a low blow. His brother had been trying but Kagami just didn’t listen and jelled and ran away. Teachers gave up after one or two lessons. And no one really wanted to teach a loud, orphaned half-blood anyway. “As for his brother, they’re not really a lot together are they? I doubt Hashirama has enough time with him to order him to do anything.”

Madara spluttered, hissed and altogether didn’t seem to have much of an argument. “He’s a monster.” As if that was enough of an explanation.

“A relatively kind one.” Izuna shrugged. “You’re called a monster too. I’m not sure why he deserves that title and I don’t. It’s just a skill thing and I’m sure I’m just as good.” Izuna pouted. He actually pouted.

Madara growled. “Izuna, stop speaking nonsense.”

“Or?”

“I’ll throw you in the koi pond.” Madara had allways used this when he was losing an argument while he was right.

Izuna spluttered but the moment his brother stalked out he mostly looked thoughtful. He might’ve been wrong. Usually his brother wasn’t irrational in his hatred and this seemed to be just that. There must be personal reasons he was always attacking Tobirama. Just what were those?

Every day in the village Tobirama found more to cling on to. Touka and Mito always. There was also always his brother’s dream to keep him going. Then there was Kagami. Izuna joined his weird circle of friends sometime a few months ago. Then there were the children Kagami at some point brought along to his training. A Sarutobi and a Akamichi. Then there was the hesitant connection to Hikaku after a couple of missions had paired them together and they didn’t kill each other. But still there were moments Tobirama wanted to scream. For everything that he had now, he still didn’t have his brother or his soulmate. He knew he was being greedy but he sometimes just couldn’t help himself.

The closest thing that could describe Madara’s behaviour was sulking. After his brother asked him about him and the Senju demon he did some thinking. He did some watching. He did some sorting out of his thought. He was wrong. He didn’t like being wrong. He could see the Senju wasn’t a monster. He could see the Senju wasn’t emotionless. He could see that Hashirama was dumping way too much of his work on his brother’s desk. He didn’t really want to think about how he said it was only fair he did that. He knew he was petty but well, maybe, this time it was undeserved. He loathed the feeling of guilt that sneaked up on him every time he saw the Senju. He loathed the feeling of admiration and intrigue even more. He was perfectly fine with loathing the Senju, undeserved or not. He also couldn’t just change his behaviour, that would be suspicious. He could tone down the insults. He could not deal with these weird feelings. When he caught the Senju staring at him at a meeting he realized he probably hadn’t been subtle enough.

Hashirama might be a bit dense every once in a while but he could see things changing. Madara didn’t scold Izuna when Izuna dumped paper on his desk. Madara didn’t yell at Tobirama as much. When he looked at his friend he occasionally tracked Tobirama across the room. He didn’t know what was going on just yet but he was certain something was. He figured Izuna must’ve said something about Tobirama and Madara was holding his tongue because Izuna and Tobirama seemed to be friends. He still wasn’t sure how or why that happened but he’d come across the two of them together often enough now to see the friendship. He had asked Madara if their brothers were dating but Madara had spluttered, said he was being stupid, and stormed out the door. He started to assume after a while Izuna just put up with Tobi because he was interested in Touka and Touka and Tobi got along.

Tobirama nearly crawled out of his skin. Madara was acting weird and it was setting of alarm bells. What did he want? Why was he doing this? What would happen if he just accepted the change of behaviour and tried to be friends? He could try to talk to him to see what was going on? Wait, no, bad idea. Trying to talk to him was bound to go wrong. He could wait for Madara to talk to him.

Hashirama decided that the best course of action would be to let Tobirama and Madara be together for a while. Madara would work out this whatever it was. Things could go back to normal then. He just needed an excuse. The excuse he found had everyone but Tobirama shouting at him. Honestly he didn’t even know why Mito and Touka were here. Wait, he did, Touka had just returned from a mission and simply hadn’t left his office yet and Mito was coming to get him for lunch. Tobirama didn’t really shout he only shouted at him when it was about paperwork. He had learned how to deal with shouting though, be overly dramatic and people either stopped shouting to apologize or they walked away annoyed. Either way success. Madara kept screaming and cursing and didn’t seem all that inclined to give up his attempt to stop this.

Madara didn’t want to go on an extended mission with the Senju heir. He also didn’t want to see the disaster that would be the village if Tobirama left for more than a day. He didn’t want to spend time with a man that until recently had been the only living person he had ever hated as much. He took care of the ones that had killed his brothers. He didn’t feel ready when he reached the gates and Tobirama was just standing there.

“Ready?”

Madara wasn’t sure why this ticked him of but it did. “I’m well capable of preparing for a mission.”

Tobirama didn’t respond more than a raised eyebrow. “We should go then.”

Madara bristled. “For the record, you are not in charge. You listen to me. I outrank you and as such am in charge.”

Tobirama inclined his head. “Aren’t we going then?”

Madara wanted to strangle this man. However much he had learned to enjoy his sarcasm in the last weeks it wasn’t half as fun when directed at him. He gritted his teeth. He wasn’t going to yell. He wasn’t. “Yes, we’re leaving.” Izuna could be proud. But Tobirama had apparently taken his words to heart as het took a position about half a step behind him to his left. He gritted his teeth again. This would be an annoying mission if the Senju refused to talk to him. He could be the bigger man. He could allow the Senju to walk next to him so they could talk. “Senju,” The Senju looked at him but didn’t otherwise respond. “you can run next to me.” It was a sign of respect and an invitation to talk. Madara realized another three miles in that if he wanted to talk he would need to initiate the conversation. “How did you prepare for the mission?” Smooth.

“As one usually prepares for diplomatic missions. Weapons, healing supplies, scrolls, ink, any and all of the forms that might be needed, food for the road, camping gear….”

“Yeah,” Madara interrupted him annoyed. “Yeah, it’s fine.” He couldn’t stand the raised eyebrow he got in response. They settled into a silence again and Madara wished he’d been sent on this mission with anybody else. No matter if Tobirama was supposed to be very good at negotiating. No matter that a high ranking official was expected. They should’ve never been sent together. “What do you expect the initial response will be?” That seemed to be a better question because they could actually talk about this and surprisingly enough it didn’t dissolve in shouting. The conversation flowed surprisingly easily. Madara had always known Tobirama was smart he just never really experienced it. He also never experienced the way Tobirama seemed to take different views into consideration and how willing he was to explain. Madara hated to admit it but Tobirama probably did make a good teacher and he maybe should allow Kagami to go back to Tobirama. The rest of the way was spent in easy conversation first about work but it strayed to more personal things. Likes, dislikes, favourite things to do, daily frustrations. Madara was occasionally surprised by how much they had in common. But this seemed to be a promising start to the two week mission.

After the promising start the meetings actually didn’t go bad either. Tobirama did argue very well and was willing to make concessions were necessary. The best part in Madara’s opinion was that they seemed to be on the same wavelength most of the time. But this mission, like many others before it, went wrong. On the way back they were ambushed. It wasn’t anything they couldn’t deal with but it left them worse for wear. Some cuts, some bruises but nothing terrible. They could easily make it back. Maybe not as fast as before, Tobirama had a nasty cut on his thigh. But they would’ve been able to make it back right now if they were so inclined. Madara however picked an inn for the night and decided then and there that rest was good for the both of them.

Tobirama wasn’t comfortable sharing his room with Madara but he also wasn’t comfortable not sharing his room with an ally.

“Let me look at that.” Madara ordered.

“I’ll be fine.” Tobirama wasn’t stupid enough to show his thigh to Madara of all people. Madara might be nicer right now but that didn’t mean a whole lot. Tobirama wasn’t willing to upset this carefully constructed balance. He could deal with this perfectly adequately himself.

“Yes let’s get it infected. Then our entire stay here will’ve only made things worse.” Madara sounded annoyed. “Let me see it, let me deal with it, and then we can go to one of those hot springs you so enjoy."

Tobirama just turned his back to him and continued cleaning the wound in such a way that Madara most definitely couldn’t see. He didn’t really know how Madara knew his love for hot springs but he very much didn’t like it being used against him.

“Oh, for Amaterasu’s sake.” He walked around grabbed Tobirama’s hand and pulled it away so he could have a look at the wound and judge for himself how bad it was. He was planning to look at the wound. He really was but he got distracted by the dragon circled around Tobirama’s thigh. He understood why no one had ever seen it. It’s not like you had your thigh on display very often. Especially not that high. He understood and a horrifying realization set over him. He had been absolutely terrible to his soulmate. He remembered a day when Hashirama noted that Tobirama didn’t have a soulmate. That he was too much in love with paperwork to ever make any other relationship work. Madara had laughed and said that no human being deserved being stuck with that. That paperwork was probably the only thing that could ever love him back. He had seen Tobirama stand in the door opening at that moment. He had seen it before Hashirama had. He hadn’t taken back his words, especially when Hashirama laughed. Especially when Hashirama agreed that he never had to worry about scaring away the paperwork, that it would always come back. Tobirama hadn’t flinched had just put a stack of papers on Hashirama’s desk and told him that for now they were on a break and that the paperwork would stick with Hashirama for a bit. He would’ve laughed at Hshirama’s expression if he hadn’t hated the younger Senju so much. He knew everyone in the village believed that Tobirama didn’t deserve a soulmate. That no person deserved to be stuck with him. He knew the opinion was slowly changing but it still made him feel nauseous. “I…” Madara started. He wanted to tell Tobirama they were soulmates. Wanted to apologize.

“I know.” Tobirama said and returned to cleaning his wound. The bandages covered the soulmark together with the wound but Madara couldn’t stop staring.

“You knew!” Madara screeched. “Why didn’t you say anything!” he knew Tobirama might be just speaking about having a souldmate. He knew Tobirama might speaking about the xtend of the wound. For a lucky shot it actually looked quite bad.

“And then what?” The question was harsh. “A month ago you couldn’t stand to be in the same room as me. That would make for a lovely soulmate relationship don’t you think?”

Madara cringed. So Tobirama was referring to their soulbond. And yes that would’ve made for a lovely soulmate relationship. But if he had known maybe he would’ve pulled his head out of his ass sooner. If he had known maybe he would’ve been able to forgive and forget sooner. Maybe he would’ve been able to figure out these feelings sooner. Maybe he wouldn’t have hurt his soulmate half as much. A tiny cruel part of his mind said that maybe he would’ve been worse just because he could. Madara very decidedly didn’t listen to that. “How long have you known?”

Tobirama shrugged. “Roughly four months.”

Madara felt like he could die. He had said incredibly cruel things even after his soulmate was aware that they were soulmates. It must’ve hurt so badly. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright. I don’t know if I would forgive you if I didn’t know you were my soulmate and you’d killed Hashirama.” He wouldn’t. Tobirama was quite certain the soulbond would have to be waved in his face for him even to consider it. He might ignore it even then.

“Izuna didn’t die.” Madara was finally coming to terms with that. He was finally accepting that Tobirama hadn’t killed his brother. Hadn’t killed his brother when he could’ve and when it might’ve been smarter to kill him. “I’m sorry. There’s no way to say this that would make anything right. I was sorry the moment Izuna told me to look at you. I might’ve been sorry even before that but I always could justify my actions to myself. Looking back I realize that the only person I could’ve convinced it was justified was myself. Because I already wanted to believe it.”

Tobirama stood to interrupt.

“But I wasn’t. It wasn’t justified, it wasn’t right. It was cruel and unnecessary. I wish I could do anything to make you forgive me and for the rest of my life I will try to make you forgive me. All I can do right now is apologize.”

“It’s fine. Things will get better.”

“No. No it’s not fine.” Madara denied. “What I did will never be fine. But I hope it can get better.”

Tobirama just nodded and finished patching up the last of his cuts. He didn’t know if he was ready to talk about this. He just knew that he didn’t want to talk about it here. “You said something about a hot spring.”

Madara took the change of subject and laughed. “Yes, let’s go.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure anyone noticed this but I'm bored out of my skull. At least I'm sorta productive about it? Anyways comments, kudos, bookmarks are food for the soul and I'm not above begging for them. Never thought I'd do that but here I am.  
> I hope you liked it and if you did please also read my other work. I promise I'll update that saturday.


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